Got Milk?

I don't.

It seems in order to nurse a baby and give them nourishment's to grow healthy, gain weight, pee and poop, and simply function... you need milk.  Apparently, I don't have what Miles needs.

Here's what's been going on.

When Miles was born, I wanted to try nursing again (I'll tell about my experience nursing Gavin later).  My milk came in while I was still in the hospital, Miles was 2 days old, and I was excited to think this was going to be "easy" to do.  We had a few bumps in the beginning, but with the help of a nursing tool, things got rolling.

Miles was born weighing 3.7kg= 8lbs 2 oz.  We had an issue with his billirubin numbers and went to the doctor a few times during the week he was born.  At those appointments, we noticed his weight had dropped, but that's normal for a newborn baby, as long as by day 10 they have reached their birth weight.  And, I will say, at one of those appointments when they were checking his number, he had gained 1/2oz from the previous day.

Then, we went back to the doctor for Miles to retake his hearing test that he had failed when he was born.  Miles was 13 days old at this point. The nurse weighed him and the scale said 3.4 kgs= 7lbs 4 oz.  WHOA!  I had a small flipping out moment in my head when I saw the number, but had to push it aside, because I was already nervous for the hearing test.

When we got home, I immediately pumped to check my milk.  Here's where's Gavin's experience nursing comes in.

Basically- Gavin was born weighing 6lbs 10oz.  At 6 weeks old, with me exclusively nursing him, he weighed 7lbs.  He was tiny, little, and skinny.  We didn't think anything of it.  Looking back, we remember he cried a lot during the day, but he slept well at night.  We were never concerned that he wasn't getting enough milk or nourishment's until one day when a family friend of ours whose a doctor saw a picture of Gavin in the bathtub and called my mom immediately.  He noticed that Gavin looked mal- nourished and didn't think that it was normal for him to be as skinny as he was-- his skin hung off his bones and he had wrinkles everywhere.  That was when I pumped my milk one day and noticed it was a clear liquid (it literally looked like dis colored water).  I also was only able to pump 2 oz total, not at all, what a child at 6 weeks old needs.  Our pediatrician told us to try formula for a week and see how Gavin reacted to it.  He did great-- he gained weight, became more content, and was overall more happy.  I just assumed the problem with my milk could have been contributed from all the meds I took while I was pregnant with Gavin therefore I was willing to try again with child #2, and just stay on top of things.  


Which brings me to where we are with Miles now.  When I got home and pumped, I noticed I was only able to get 1oz to 1 1/2 oz total.  So, I decided to start nursing Miles more often.  Well, that only lasted a few days, because then I started having more issues.  I was in extreme pain when nursing.  Like EXTREME!!  It was bad.  It was horrible.  I was bleeding.  I was sore.  Things that I know are common with nursing, but still- it was making nursing really difficult not to mention I was getting frustrated and starting HATING to nurse.  I didn't realize it, but I started going longer time periods between Mile's feedings, just so I didn't have to feel as much pain.  When I say pain, I mean toe curling, light headed, dizziness, probably could have used a leather belt or wooden spoon to bite down on PAIN.  To top it off- we noticed Miles was sleeping a lot more then what he had been a few days before.  He wouldn't want to wake up to eat, he wouldn't wake up after eating.  When we changed his diaper, which he doesn't really like, he would stay sleeping.  It almost seemed like he became lethargic.  I figured I needed some help and quick so I started doing some research.  I didn't want what happened with Gavin to be happening all over again.  This time, I knew what signs to look for and knew how important it was to stay on top of things.

I found the La Leche League of Saudi Arabia.  I made a phone call to a leader who has been wonderful.  She has been helping me out and told me things to do.  I had lots of issues to work on, but the first one was making sure Miles was getting enough milk.  Therefore, we started supplementing formula to give him more nourishment, while giving him what milk I was producing as well.   We quickly noticed a BIG difference in Miles.  He started staying awake more often, his night time crying fits stopped, and he gained more color to him and his body started filling out more.  Whew!

She also told me to start pumping around the clock to help build up my milk supply and see how much milk I was producing and what Miles was getting.  This was also going to help with the bleeding and soreness because now Miles would be getting my milk from a bottle, in order to allow me some time to rest and heal before going back to nursing.  The only problem was-- It takes 3 pumping sessions (6 hours) to produce enough milk for him to have in 1 feeding.   I have been pumping for 4 1/2 days now, every 2-3 hours and my milk supply hasn't gone up AT ALL.  It literally hasn't budged.  I'm only able to produce small amounts of milk.  So--- we're at a cross roads at this time because I can't keep pumping with this schedule and continue to take care of Gavin, Miles, our house, cooking, cleaning, etc.  Thank goodness my mom has been here to tend to lots of these things so that I could pump ALL the TIME, but she's leaving in a week and then everything will become my responsibility.

You may be wondering after reading all of this why I'm still even bothering with nursing.  To be honest, I don't know why.  Maybe, this go around, I wanted to make sure I had done everything I could before stopping.  I didn't want to just give up.  I'm not the type to NEED to nurse, nor do I have a strong opinion about breast milk being the only way or the best way.  I actually believe in formula and how it can help a child's nourishment.   I just feel like this was what I was suppose to be doing.  This situation has definitely been a roller coaster ride.  I've felt pressure, guilt, selfish, angry, annoyed, care less, stress, overwhelmed, put out, distracted, and more.

While going through this experience, we actually found information on a real condition that apparently 1 in 1000 mother's can have called Mammary Hyperplasia.  Who knows if this is something I actually could have-- I'm not trying to diagnose myself, just wanting to make sense of how there are mom's out there who can produce so much milk they need to donate it, and here I am, can't even give my child enough for what he needs to function.  There are several components of the hyperplasia that actually pertained to me-- it  being a genetic component (my mom and great grandmother could not produce milk), the use of progesterone during certain times of your pregnancy (um. hello. we added progesterone to my body for 18 weeks), and visual signs that I had 3 out of 4 of them.

So anyways.  I'm sure we will make a decision soon as to what needs to happen next.  Our main priority is Mile's health and making sure that he is getting everything that he needs.

Thanks for letting me ramble on about this topic, even though it may be something that none of you wanted to know about.  Sorry.  It's just a really big thing that's going on and I needed to release my feelings about it.