We got to say Goodbye

Blogs are meant to post what's happening in your life and every time something new comes about, we blog about it, then move onto the next event.  I've found myself the past two weeks wanting to blog about the various things going on in our lives, but I've really been struggling with how do I move onto the next post from my last one?  Nothing seems to justify moving past my last post.  My post about Cade was hard to write.  It was tough to realize that's what's happening.  It's harder for me now to make another post and in a sense feel like I'm just moving onto the next thing.  However, we've been spending the past 2 weeks grieving.  We've cried a lot.  We've prayed a lot.  We've talked a lot.  Our hearts are broken and they just ache.  We miss Cade.  We hurt for Susie and Darrell.

What made this experience even tougher was not being with Susie and Darrell.  It's so hard being this far away and not being able to hug on your friends or cry with them.  We also realize that we missed out on getting to tell Cade goodbye.  I'm sad I didn't go to the states to be with Susie.  I'm sad that we didn't get to see him one last time.  I'm sad we didn't hear the words sung at his service.  I'm sad we didn't get to see the flowers that surrounded him.

However...

I am grateful for the time we had with him.  I'm grateful for the memories we have.  I'm grateful for how much he loved Gavin.  I'm grateful that we got to spend an extra weekend with him before we came back to Saudi.  I'm grateful that Cade has parents who love the Lord and taught him about Jesus.  I'm grateful to have babysat Cade since he was months old.  I'm grateful that we were there for his birthday parties.  I'm grateful that we have some of Cade's clothes (purchased for Gavin after Cade out grew them) that allows us to remember him every time we open Gavin's closet.  I'm grateful for all the things Gavin learned from Cade.  I'm grateful for the Sunday lunches we spent every week with Cade and his parents.  I'm grateful for witnessing a lot of Cade's firsts.  I'm grateful for Cade's smile and his laugh.  I'm grateful that we got to love a little boy for four and a half years, who filled our hearts with so much joy, and who showed us what we hope, want, and pray our little boys will be like.  We will always miss Cade and we will think about him often!!

Since the Spelling's were here with us, we didn't go through this alone.  The four of us really wanted and needed a way to say goodbye to Cade so we planned a small thing at sunset on the beach here in Saudi.  We did it at the same time Cade's service was going on.  We asked our closest friends who had been grieving with us and praying for the Carpenters to come and share that time with us as we remembered Cade then said goodbye.

We all gathered on the beach at sunset.  Micah, Stephanie, Brooks, and myself all took turns sharing memories about Cade and saying what we were going to miss the most.  It was really sweet.  We cried a lot, said a prayer, then we released a large bundle of big, blue balloons into the sky.  We watched as they floated into the sky and waited until we couldn't see them anymore.  Everyone also wore a pair of Sperry's in memory of Cade.  We placed our shoes along the beach and wrote Cade's name in the sand.   When we finished, we were glad we spent that time to remember Cade and have a way to say goodbye to him.