Get ready for some honesty....
Okay friends (and family) I've been going through a very emotional time the past month of being back in Saudi. I've really been faced with the feeling of being inadequate, a constant failure, never being good enough, never finishing what needs to get taken care of. I've been an emotional wreck and have had a hard time adjusting to things. For one, Gavin's now in school... new routine, new days. Miles is ALL.OVER.THE.PLACE. He's learning, expanding his boundaries, and just growing up. I feel like there is NEVER enough time in the day, nothing ever gets done (or so I feel), and days are always piling up with more events, get togethers, responsibilities, etc. Not to mention, being pregnant, I'm just tired ALL.THE.TIME and exhausted.
Brooks and I noticed there were lots of days the past month where I just wasn't myself. I wasn't depressed by any means, just overwhelmed. I'd cry at the drop of a hat. I'd be a basketcase if something little occurred, or I'd be unable to start something, because I already felt like there was no way to finish it-- therefore, more things weren't getting done. I know if I'd cut out my extra curricular activities (cake decorating, friend lunches, etc) that would alleviate some time, but everyone needs a life and a hobby, or some kind of outlet, right?!?
Well, after some time, then I started really getting anxious about bringing a 3rd child into this world. How in the world do I take Gavin to school in the mornings, have 2 other babies awake, dressed, fed, and out the door every morning? How do I go to the grocery store with one in the carseat taking up the entire basket and the other sitting upright in the front of a grocery cart wanting everything that's in my hands or around me? How do I be back from running all my errands in time to get Gavin from school at 11:30am? I'm already bringing one pack and play to bible study on Tuesdays for Miles to take a nap, do I buy a 2nd one so two kids can nap at the same time? or do I host bible study every week in order to have a place for my little one's to sleep? Dinner time... yikes... I already am burning meals left and right, or leaving out ingredients because I'm doing laundry, folding laundry, loading & unloading the dishwasher, or yelling at Gavin to get off the beach because he walked out the back door and I never saw him, all at the same time, and then forgetting to kiss my husband when he walks in the door.
UGH! I realize that all moms go through this and all moms handle it and things can be done! I've learned to be okay with laundry staying in the dryer for a day or two until I can get to it, and I can't tell you how many nights we've gone to bed with toys EVERYWHERE! I've really struggled with why things aren't getting done when I don't work, I'm home most of the time, and there are very few places for me to actually be. Yet, the feeling of failing and being inadequate was really, really getting to me. Not to mention the heaviness of what's to come when Brooklyn gets here. If I can't take care of my kids and house now, how am I going to do it later?
Brooks and I have always talked about me getting some help while we're living here due to the availability there is to hire help and in a VERY economic way, however, we (or him) always decided against it because we ultimately felt like it just wasn't necessary. Which, I will say, when I wanted help after Miles, things ended up working out and it really would have been silly. But something has changed. I can't pin point it, but things just seem different. So... we started discussing the option of bringing in some help part time and we wanted to have someone here before Brooklyn comes to ensure we like our help, we're comfortable with them, they know us, our routines, the way our house runs, our personalities, and that we know them!
Enter Delia!
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| this was Delia's first day-- her and Miles clicked right off the bat! |
NOPE! You're not seeing things!
That's a picture of a God sent woman who is amazing! She's only been in our lives a little over a week and I'm blessed beyond words! I'm humbled by this woman who has taken care of my children as if they were hers, she has made my house a home in a way that I've only dreamed of doing (she even asked if she could reorganize Mr. Brooks' closet before she put in his folded clothes... um-- sure!). She has ironed more clothes in a week then I've ironed in 5 years of marriage! Okay, or maybe my life, but who's counting. She has learned, successfully, how to operate a dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer-- 3 things she has never had that were electric, rather manual-- literally. (Think getting buckets of water from the sink and pouring into a small washing machine, only to spin a dial yourself once it's soaked to rinse your clothes, and then hand dry them all outside). She fixes and prepares Miles bottles, breakfast, and lunch. She allows me the opportunity to take Gavin to school without having to wake Miles up early everyday. She cleans and picks up while Miles is sleeping. She plays with Miles while I go to Bible Study every Tuesday, and she even entertained Miles while I took a nap the other day. I've learned that all I have to do is tell her or show her something once and that's it. She gets it! She is AMAZING!!
Don't get me wrong, this has taken some time getting use to, but I'm much more relaxed now. She knows that if I'm home and she's here and I want Miles, I get him. I've had to teach her that it's okay for Miles to crawl, sit by himself, and sleep in his room, ALONE. She had a hard time with that one-- she's from the Philippines and they don't have big homes, so there kids always sleep in the same room as them, thus, allowing her the chance to watch them when they sleep. I taught her how our monitors work and showed her how you use them to listen for when your baby is awake. That took some time getting use to, but now she's okay with closing the door to his room while he naps. It's amazing the things we take for granted!
I'm so appreciative for her and having her in our lives. I'm praying this works out and am doing my best to treat her with the utmost respect and let her know every time she's here how grateful I am for her. Do you know how tough it is to sit on your computer blogging, while telling someone to wash, dry, and fold your laundry? All the while, you are sitting right there! Not as easy as it looks! But, after a week-- you do get over it!
I'm also so grateful and appreciative to Brooks for being willing to let me hire some help and give me a peace of mind that I have needed for a while, now. I promise you this- Brooks is not complaining. The days Delia is here (she's only part time, right now) everything is picked up, organized, taken care of, in place, etc, which makes my man HAPPY! After her first day here and he saw his closet completely organized, everything was folded, in it's place, he yelled down to me that he found his Philippino wife! He thought he was in heaven!
I'm enjoying getting to have free time where I'm not juggling 100's of responsibilities and am loving the extra time I get with my boys to just sit and play and relax. I'm hopeful that I can continue to be at ease with not feeling guilty for having someone do things for me that I probably should be doing and I'm looking at it as this is a perk to living overseas and having an expat life.
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